Another week, another set of unpleasant people trying to rob others using the Internet.

This morning I was delighted to receive a mail from a friend. It’s been a few months since I have heard from her, and to have a mail item is always good, isn’t it? And then I got the sad message. She’d been robbed.

OK, these things happen. I read that while on holiday in the UK, someone had taken her purse. Ouch. In it was all her money, her passport, everything. Including credit cards, of course.

The US embassy was happy to help her. They’d let her fly home without a passport, but she had to settle her hotel bills and buy a ticket. Naturally the bank (boo, hiss) wouldn’t or couldn’t get a new card to her fast enough, and so had no access to funds. Could I help?

Now, since I live in the UK, there were quite a few points that struck me. Where to start? Well, the telephone number was an intriguing +44 702 402 9894 or +44 702 403 0611 – both intriguing because they are mobiles. Interestingly, they are based on a UK region code, but what’s the betting they’d redirect to a foreign country? Quite high.

Because this fraud is a nice, simple one to recognise.

The story is garbage. Here in the UK, it would be easy and quick to get money from a bank. Even with details like cards gone, over here we’re quite efficient in our banking. And the US embassy is large and helpful as well as efficient. They tend to assist US citizens in trouble. Even expediting passport issues so that, guess what? You can get to the bank and prove your ID.

However, the killer on this was the usual. I checked the email. It was a clever one, this. The reply email looked initially to be my friend’s – there was only one error in it, an extra “I” in the middle of her mail address.

If you have an email like this, just ignore it or, maybe, if you have any doubts, contact your friend at the normal email address from your address book on your computer. And before you even consider replying to the email, for goodness sake reread the mail and ask yourself: does this note actually sound like my friend?

It didn’t to me, so I emailed her. Naturally, she was in the US still, as I expected. She hasn’t been to the UK in years. And being a singer, I would have seen if she was planning a trip. Still, it meant that she was able to email her friends, which is kind of useful.

Ruddy thieves. I’m getting a couple of mails a week which are just as daft as this. If there is one that looks possibly genuine, always check with the actual contact, just to make sure. So far, not one request for funds has been remotely genuine.

Beware. There are lots of folks out there who want your money!

John Rentoul, a journalist on a UK national newspaper, has happily tweeted this morning a comment about the government’s policies on DNA. For those who are lucky enough not to live in the UK, the system in place used to allow for all people stopped and arrested to have their DNA taken. Then, it was matched with any crimes the police could find. We are told that many old cases have been solved with recent DNA innovations. A particularly repellent man was yesterday put in gaol for life.

But now the dastardly government wants to do away with this.

Which is typical very silly politics and Rentoul should know a ruddy sight better.

You see what used to happen was, that if you were arrested by the police, your DNA would be stored and recorded – for life. Not if you were convicted of a crime, you’ll notice, no: Labour is a control-freak party that believes (against all logic and history) that the state is best. At all times, in all places. Including your life, whether you have already committed a crime or not. I say that because Tony Bliar was very keen on research that suggested it was possible to predict which children would become career criminals. So he planned that they could be taken from their parents and put up for adoption.

The man was, it has to be admitted, a megalomaniac of the very worst sort and not merely a deranged, money-grabbing war-monger.

But the idea of storing individuals’ DNA was OK, Labour said, because of course, if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to fear. Well, crap, actually.

If you shake hands with a man, and he climbs into a car, drives to a house, goes in and kills someone, your DNA will be there. In modern life it is damn difficult to imagine a possible crime which will not be contaminated. And that means Police who search for DNA may very easily be distracted by the wrong DNA.

A few years ago a European (German, I think) series of crimes was finally looked at again. Over many years this perpetrator had committed a number of crimes. They were utterly insoluble, covering a huge territory, and the MO was different for each, the timescales were confusing – all was terribly confusing. Until after six or so years, it was realised that the DNA being analysed had all been contaminated. They were looking for scientists in their labs, not the actual perpetrators. It set the cases back years. Probably several crooks will never be caught now, because of that blinkered search for DNA.

In England there is a new system of DNA analysis that takes trace samples and from that a computer model extrapolates what the DNA might have been originally. It is enthusiastically being sold all over the world. But in America and most other countries it’s rejected because it is not, never will be and cannot be, proof. It’s making up the DNA. Like saying, “The murderer’s name starts with a D, ends with an S. OK, so it’s you Mr Daniels!” brilliant, except Mr Davies, Mr Djanglies, Mr Donuts and many others would also fit the bill.

Still, Labour are fulminating about this silly government because they want to remove this database. They don’t want every person who has been arrested (whether charged or not) to be on a database. I rather like that idea.

Still, the man yesterday was probably responsible for some 200 crimes against the elderly, involving robbery and rape. It’s good he’s inside.

How was he caught? Not by DNA. He was caught by the police having an undercover operation for two weeks in an area he was known to target. They caught him by old-fashioned police work, not DNA.

DNA has never been a magic bullet. It is only corroborative. The sooner our thicker politicians can get that simple fact into their heads (which I personally doubt) the better.

It is rare that I take silly risks. I’m in my fifties, for goodness sake. Still, today I was asked to go for a cycle ride with a friend, and thought it couldn’t hurt. It did.

I haven’t been regularly cycling for a while. It was two years ago I got my Kinesis bike, and boy, is it good. It’s easy, fast, direct, with great handling. I’ve only fallen off it once, and while it was painful, hey, getting fit is hard. I’ve a friend who’s a writer who once had an industrial injury. He sat at his desk so long, his leg went to sleep, and when he stood up, he fell and broke his leg. Yes, really. So falling off a bike is easy in comparison to dangerous work like writing.

Last year I was working so hard, I didn’t have time to get out on the bike for months at a time. So this month is the first time on the bike in the last ten, I think. And that means a certain anxiety while going out with Roger.

Why? Because Roger used to be a national cyclist with the Swiss team. It was a while ago, as he laughingly told me, but seeing his gleaming blue eyes smiling at me was enough to persuade me that this was probably the smile of a sadist. Was the Maquis de Sade fair-haired? I think he might have been. Did one of his children set up home in Switzerland? Hmm.

But I digress.

The first eight miles were . . . well, good at first, then painful, and then we hit a hill that had me giving up, getting off and walking. The next few were better, apart from the hill up to South Tawton, which was a really nasty one (thank you Perry for trying to run me over) – but I stayed on the bike. And Roger kindly left my gently steaming body at the corner of the lane, and cycled off up the next hill.

He really is unpleasantly fit.

So, today I have learned that I am way behind and need a new effort on the bike before I can have a chance to make the London to Brighton ride. However, the good thing is, London to Brighton doesn’t have hills like the ones round Spreyton, Chagford, Moretonhampstead . . .  so before too long, I will be ready. Honest.

I’ll have to be. I am getting money for the British Heart Foundation. After today, I know full well that getting money for that charity is enlightened self-interest.

Meanwhile there’s the book. That’ll be finished, hopefully, next week.

And then I can get back to work on the other projects.

The Last Few Yards

There are few more hideous periods in an author’s life than getting close to the end. Fine, so I am nearing that gorgeous phase when I can type “The End” and wander into the sunset. But hold on  . . .

First, you have that rush of happiness at the thought that it’s close to being over. Except it’s not, of course. The agent will call up with the “Hey, Mike, this is great” call, which must have a “But” somewhere towards the tail-end.

Then there is the editor, who will be more fulsome (it means nothing. They’re more polite the less keen they are), and the copyeditor. Both involve retypes, more work, reminding yourself what the hell the story was, who died in that alley, and who on earth was actually responsible.

The job is never over, really.

However, before you even get that far, there are other little tribulations.

Doubts creep in.

Did I tie up that red herring on the first questioning of a suspect? Oh, God, no, I didn’t. And the guy’s clothes. Why were they green on that page, when I clearly stated they were red on this one? The ruddy man’s carrying a sword here, but it’s only a long knife at the end of the para – and why the hell do I say that she was dead lying on her back, when she was on her face on page ten?

Some, of course, aren’t so bad. Some, indeed many, of these little niggles (did I say little? Hah!) aren’t so bad always. They can, for example, mean that the story develops along new, unforeseen lines that can make the plot work a lot better. But some don’t work that way. Some are story-stoppers. They are the equivalent of the tree trunk lying across the railway tracks in front of the Riviera Express. They stop the thing on the tracks while the poor blasted author wanders off muttering darkly about narrative consequences and tangled webs and wouldn’t it be nice to be stacking shelves at Waitrose rather than sitting here at the desk for twelve hours or more every day . . .

And then you reach the sunny uplands and suddenly everything is good, happy, delightful, and a massive, massive relief.

I am looking forward to that moment just now.

This is the worst time for writing a new work. It’s going to be a good one, too. A small area of Exeter, and how a murder affects the four nearest neighbours. No great, sweeping politics, just victims and how they react. I’ve just got ready for sitting down and cracking on with this book – but hold on! Who’s calling?

The fatal interruption.

First it’s the demand from the slave driver at Simon & Schuster, Ally Glynn, that I ought to be working a little harder. I haven’t updated my web pages for a while. Uh oh. That means in Ally-speak that I ought to be writing a newsletter again. I only just finished the last one, didn’t I? (Checks). Oh. Last one was wishing people Merry Christmas. Perhaps it is a little late, then. Which is why I’m now perusing some rough notes with a view to writing out my latest. Yes, it’ll be up soon, folks.

Second, I have to go to London for meetings and an A/V interview about the next book. No, you’re not allowed to see it yet, it’ll not be up for a while, but come May, when King’s Gold is published, it’ll be up there ready for you to think “What did he do to his beard?” Television interviews can be so painful, but I was walked through it by the effortlessly professional director, Malinda. She made it much easier.

Oh good. Ally was there too. She suggested I may like to do another podcast for S&S. Well, yes, but not today, thanks. I do have to update my author’s notes section on their website, though. And I can dictate my podcast here at home, edit it, and send it on to Ally without spending hundreds of pounds travelling up by train, so that’s all to the good.

But hold on! I’m a writer. I have this book to write, remember? So can I sit down now, please, and write it?

Nope. Now I have the weight of an editor, freshly bronzed from her holiday, resting on my shoulders. Before I’m allowed to enjoy myself writing a new book, first I have to proof read the last one. It’s here, all 520 pages of it, a three-inch high column of dead trees, ready and waiting to be absorbed, corrected, and despatched.

Writers used to sit down and write industriously. Now, we only do it when all the other things have already been finished!

Right. Where were those newsletter notes. On the back of the proofreader’s notes . . .

DSC_0011, originally uploaded by michael_jecks.

Well, we’re only a few days from Christmas now. If you haven’t finished your Christmas shopping, ordered the turkey, got the pudding mixed and ready – you’re a little late!

Here’s wishing all my readers, friends and family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

The Joy of Business Registration

(Click on the link above for the full form)

It’s always heart-warming to receive a mailshot asking you to enjoy a free gift, isn’t it? And this one’s a doozy. I got it today.

The message was from Business Update 2011-2012. Clearly they’re a reputable firm. They said that if I wanted “my company inserted into the registry of World Business for 2011/2012 edition”, I should print off their form and submit the PDF file to their address, which is

WORLD BUSINESS GUIDE,

PO BOX 3079

3502 GB, UTRECHT

THE NETHERLANDS.

Underneath, it happily points out that “Updating is free of charge!”

I’m glad to hear it. Updating could otherwise be such an expensive chore, couldn’t it? What the thing doesn’t say, though, is that it’s not the first year that’s free – it’s any updates to it. This is a contract (read the first three letters of that word) for  995 Euros per annum. And if you don’t cancel, the contract rolls on. Oh, and if you don’t read the small print in the first 8 days, you’re deemed to have signed.

So, folks – you’re in your office today, and you think – ah, I think that looks good. It’s a deal. I’ll take the free offer. Unfortunately that means you’re committing your business to the money – but it’s better than that. If you read the small print carefully (and it is fairly small, isn’t it?) what you’re agreeing to is THREE YEARS rolling contract, not one.

This is what it says:

“ORDER

“THE SIGNING OF THIS DOCUMENT REPRESENTS THE ACCEPTANCE OF THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS AND THE CONDITIONS STATED IN “THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR INSERTION” ON WEBPAGE:WWW.WORLD-BUSINESSGUIDE.COM. THE SIGNING IS LEGALLY BINDING AND GIVES YOU THE RIGHT OF AN INSERTION IN THE ONLINE DATA BASE OF THE WORLD BUSINESS GUIDE, WHICH CAN BE ACCESSED VIA THE INTERNET. A CD ROM WITH WORLDWIDE BUSINESS IS GRANTED ALL IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE CONTRACT CONDITIONS STATED IN “THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR INSERTION” ON WEBPAGE:WWW.WORLD-BUSINESSGUIDE.COM. THE VALIDATION TIME OF THE CONTRACT IS THREE YEARS AND STARTS ON THE EIGHTH DAY AFTER SIGNING THE CONTRACT. THE INSERTION IS GRANTED AFTER SIGNING AND RECEIVING THIS DOCUMENT BY THE SERVICE PROVIDER. I HEREBY ORDER A SUBSCRIPTION WITH SERVICE PROVIDER INTERNATIONAL DIRECTORIES LTD “WORLD BUSINESS GUIDE”. I WILL HAVE AN INSERTION INTO ITS DATA BASE FOR THREE YEARS. THE PRICE PER YEAR IS EURO 995. THE SUBSCRIPTION WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY EXTENDED EVERY YEAR FOR ANOTHER YEAR, UNLESS SPECIFIC WRITTEN NOTICE IS RECEIVED BY THE SERVICE PROVIDER OR THE SUBSCRIBER TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE EXPIRATION OF THE SUBSCRIPTION. YOUR DATA WILL BE RECORDED. THE PLACE OF JURISDICTION IN ANY DISPUTE ARISING IS THE SERVICE PROVIDER’S ADDRESS. THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN THE SERVICE PROVIDER AND THE SUBSCRIBER IS GOVERNED BY THE CONDITIONS STATED IN “THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR INSERTION” ON WEBPAGE: WWW.WORLD-BUSINESSGUIDE.COM”

In other words, I think this letter is a fraud. It’s trying to sell me a dodgy prospectus. It’s saying in the headline that I can have an entry in a registry. Underneath it says the update is free. It’s all too easy for people to link those two words. What it does not say, except in small print, is that this is a request for you to buy a three year contract that you cannot cancel – in other words, 995 euros times three.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had these cowboys try to rip me off. Luckily, being self-employed, I’ve always believed in reading the small print. I’ve also always believed that any offer that sounds too good to be true, probably is. Oh, and I don’t honestly give a flying wotsit about having my business in a register of any kind. Still, I always read unsolicited emails to see where the catch is.

There was a program on Radio 4 a little while ago which was trying to get these cowboys stopped and their mailing scam cancelled. Clearly they haven’t managed it yet, sadly. Still, we can hope that sometime someone will catch up with these nasty people and give them an incentive to stop trying to rob the innocent, and instead go and get a real job that helps people. I say that, because so many folks have bought this rip-off and seen themselves driven into real financial trouble. Not many people expect to see three thousand stolen, but this mob are ruthless about enforcing their contract. Not reading small print isn’t an excuse.

So, for goodness sake, read any offers carefully. Look at the small print, and when there is even a small niggle at the back of your mind, listen to it. The subconscious warning signs are all too often operating efficiently to save you money!

There are one hundred of these pens available – both as fountain pens or as roller ball pens. For those who are interested, contact me from my website and I can give details of how to acquire one.
As for the Detection Collection, the next author has already agreed to write a short story and is enthusiastically looking forward to working with Conway Stewart to design his own version. I have to admit I am looking forward to helping him on the project too, for he is a writer I’ve admired for some years. And after that? There is a lady I know who would, I hope, appreciate a fine pen as well, and Conway Stewart are very happy with the initial take-up of this series, so with luck there will be many more pens in future.
And so, on Wednesday 18th August 2010, I will be in Conway Stewart’s offices outside Plymouth to sign 100 copies of The Church House, a short story only available with the pen. For keen collectors of my books, don’t panic: this isn’t a Baldwin Furnshill/Simon Puttock story, but a modern horror story which seems to work, I’m glad to say. Maybe I ought to take up gothic horror tales . . .
No. I’ll stick to what I know best!

DSC_0008, originally uploaded by michael_jecks.

At last, it has happened. The silly season must be here!

It was last November when I had the idea to work with Conway Stewart on a series of pens.

Sounds a bit cocky, I know, but it’s how it happened. You see, I was walking the dogs up towards Spreyton and thinking about ways to move a story on, and wishing I’d brought a pen with me, when I began thinking about my pens.

Some years ago when I had one really good royalties payment, I invested the proceeds in a complete set of PG Wodehouse books that were still in print. That was about ninety books, and kept me quiet for months. Lovely.

The next time I had a good payment, however, the idea of a new pen had grabbed me. I thought of all the famous pens I knew of. I was determined to get something that was large and solid, a pen with a feel of the heyday of British pens, which to my mind is the 1930s to 1950s. So I looked around . . . and found Conway Stewart.

I remembered them from years ago. I think I used to have one when I was at school in the ‘60s, a gorgeous old black pen – but my memory could be playing me false.

Still, when I checked, Conway Stewart had a lovely black pen decorated with a series of solid gold bands. It had the look and feel of a 1940s pen, and the impression was only enhanced by its name: the “Churchill”. Well, since he’s a hero of mine, I was convinced. I bought one. It was with me for all the meetings I held with the Crime Writers’ Association while I was deputy and then Chairman.

A few years later, I decided I had to give up pistol shooting at last. In the past I’ve always been a keen pistol shooter, a great sport with an honourable tradition going back from modern men like Michael Bentine to Winston Churchill himself. It’s still appallingly ironic that it took a Scottish police force’s incompetence and twisting of the firearms rules to deprive hundreds of thousands of their sports.

But for me, air pistols were in no way comparable to firing real firearms. Although when my guns were taken away, the limited compensation went towards a very good airgun, it just wasn’t the same. So after a few years, I sold that pistol and bought with the proceeds something to allow me to remember my sports: a Conway Stewart Drake fountain pen.

These two pens, the Drake and Churchill are with me now as I type. They are used daily, and I adore them both. And it was because of these I began to think about Conway Stewart and a collaboration.

You see, as a company they have great products. But most were named for historical characters like “Drake”, “Raleigh”, “Nelson” and so on. Why not, I thought, have a series in which authors worked with Conway Stewart’s designers. The author could help by choosing the colour of the pen, advise on the weight, choose the number of gold rings to decorate it, and select an ink to go with it. And then, I thought, why not have the author provide a short story to go with the pen, something unique to the limited edition pen, that wasn’t available elsewhere? It would be fun for many authors to work on a project like that, I thought.

I didn’t expect to be asked to be the first author, though. Still, I am.

So far three today. All the rest are deleted already, but here’s another one. See below.

I can only assume someone is daft enough to believe this kind of crap. The gangs responsible for these emails are not fools, and won’t waste their time unless they can see that they can get a 1% or more hit rate. All they need is a few folks to respond, and guess what. They have your details and your money. Not only that, they’re leaving you liable for repayment of the money  they’ve taken.

What happens is, the firm will send money through to you. You take your percentage, and send it on to the next person in the chain. It is money that has been stolen, laundered or similarly illegally grabbed. The thieves only have to break it up into smaller chunks, so that the money is below the American legal reporting levels, and then they send it to you. You post it onwards, and it will eventually wind up in Russia, or Ukraine, or some similar lawless part of the world.

Good, eh? You’ve made your little percentage on the transaction, and you can’t possibly be caught out?

Wrong.

First, the US authorities are pretty hot at chasing down people who’ve received funds. They can see the audit trail of the money by following the emails and wires. Not that difficult today. And when they track you down, you become liable for the full amount stolen. Because you were the receiver of stolen goods. So suddenly you’re the criminal.

But of course it gets better. As soon as you contact your recipient, the lines will close. They don’t want to know. And although you can pass on various contact details, you can also bet that they’ll all be closed down by the time the police get to them. And then, to add insult to injury, the second level kicks in. At some point in the future, you will find that your bank has been raided and your funds removed, that you’ve had a new set of credit cards issued in your name, and that you have built up a huge debt.

It has happened already. This isn’t just an author’s imaginative wittering. So many people have been hit, it astonishes me that there are still so many who believe the guff they’re fed.

If you doubt my word, look up Krebs Security on the web and read a few of his pages on scams. It’s sad reading.

And meantime, read this and wonder: “would I have fallen for that?” Because a lot of people no doubt have!

BEGINS

Compliments


I introduce a large multinational enterprise the co-worker of the HR department of which I am. Our enterprise is connected with a great number of various activities, like:
– real estate
– companies setting-up and winding-up
– bank accounts opening and maintenance
– logistics
– private undertaking services
– etc.

We need a person to fill the vacancy of a regional manager in Europe:
– earnings 2300euro+bonus
– 2–3 working hours per day
– free timetable


If you are interested in this job, please, send us your contact information on email:
c v @ h i r i n g – w e s t u n i o n . c o m [please delete spaces before sending]
Full name:
Country:
E-mail:
Mobile phone-number:



Attention! We are looking for the people who have a right to work in Europe!

Please, write your Telephone Number and our manager will contact you to conduct an interview.

ENDS